At the same time that the bad stuff was going on, slightly before, I kept discovering secrets of what is important in life. My brother got me into running, and because I had asma, running is hard. For almost every night for months I started running, and it was difficult, but it felt good to try hard. I eventaully learned that trying hard in what you do is very important. A quote comes to mind "The Training is nothing, the will is everything, the will to act" -Ras al Ghul. I evenually started putting more effort into life, and it really started helping. But the feeling of emptieness was still there, and it got worse.